23 weeks.
Random thoughts that I don't have time to expand upon.
Plastics
I'm going through a plastics panic. Yun forwarded me this article about the effect of phthalates in plastics on a baby's development. Now I'm going through a plastics panic. Everything in our world is covered in plastic. I'm already 23 weeks. The article says that the effects are during 8 to 24 weeks of pregnancy. I'm already too late. Maybe I feel that I can compensate for being too late by obsessing about it now.
Newborn care
My weekly prenatal yoga class lasts for about 2 hrs. The first half of class is devoted to pregnancy care. This week, we watched a video on newborn care. It demonstrated how to bathe and swaddle a newborn. It started with "everything is common sense," but I definitely felt like none of it was "common sense." It's all stuff that I wouldn't have known if no one told me. Anyways, it made me realize how little I know about caring for a baby.
Relaxation CD
Last night was the first time I started listening to my relaxation CD that came with my Hypnobirthing package. I fell asleep after maybe 10 minutes. On the one hand, I guess that shows how relaxed I was. On the other hand, I don't think I'm supposed to fall asleep while giving birth.
The husband (part 1)
Recollections accumulated from pre-pregnancy written at 23 weeks.
One of the most emotionally difficult issues I dealt with during pregnancy was my husband’s level of involvement and enthusiasm for our baby. Shouldn’t the father of the baby be the second most excited person after the mother? I expected, wanted, and hoped that Yun would be just as excited as I was. Sometimes he was, but sometimes he was not.
In general Yun’s reaction to my pregnancy is marked by indifference sprinkled with moments of joy. Fortunately for me, those sprinkles have been increasing as the months pass by.
Before becoming pregnant, my husband was less than enthusiastic about the idea of making a baby. Every time I eagerly asked him, “Do you think I’m pregnant?” he responded in the negative. Perhaps he wasn’t quite ready to be a father yet. Perhaps he didn’t want to fuel my premature excitement in case the pregnancy test turned out to be negative. Or perhaps it was a little bit of both. But when the test showed in two lines instead of one, he was all smiles and we shared a tight embrace. He says he no longer remembers that moment, but it’s a memory I cherish dearly.
During the next few months, we were both mostly indifferent about expecting a baby. Life continued just as it had before, except that I had a few dietary restrictions, like no alcohol. We went about our everyday lives. I was lucky in that I didn’t have any morning sickness, so my life didn’t really change much for me. At that time, I didn’t care that he didn’t care, because I didn’t care myself. I didn’t even bother with buying a baby book. In fact, I still don’t own one. I just borrow them from the library. Why should I care that he didn’t read the baby books when I hardly read them myself?
As the months passed, I became more excited and attached to the idea of becoming a mother, but his level of interest remained the same. Sure, he had his moments of enthusiasm. He started calling the baby a raspberry, because at the time, that was the approximate size of the baby. Then he called me baby carriage for awhile. I liked his terms of endearment. They were sweet and showed some small level of interest.
It was during the ultrasound at 11 weeks when I felt that Yun was truly excited about the baby. In that ultrasound, the baby started to actually look like a baby. When we got home, he used that same ultrasound scan to announce the pregnancy on Facebook. Clearly, he was excited. It was endearing to see how much he cared and almost a relief to finally have him on board to share in the joy. But sharing in such sweet moments, doesn't preclude the existence of some sour ones.
One day when I was around 3 or 4 months along, we passed by a Babies R Us. I said, “Oh, let’s go in there.”
“Why?” he shot back, clearly annoyed.
“Just to look around.”
Dragging him into that store was more painful than dragging a hyperactive three year old boy into the store, or so I imagine, at least a three year old boy has the excuse of being three years old. Yun whined and complained the entire time. He didn’t want to buy anything for the baby. He ranted about the ridiculous mass consumerism of this country, how wasteful Americans are, and how babies don’t need anything.
"Crib?"
“No. Too expensive. Couldn’t a baby just sleep in that cheaper thing?” as he points to a pack and play.
"Changing table?"
“Is that really necessary?”
"Baby carrier?"
“No. Can’t you just hold the baby with your arms?”
"Baby monitor?"
“No. I can just set up a webcam.”
"Glider?"
“Um… okay since that’s really for you, but these are all ugly.”
"Stroller?"
“… Ooh! Look this one has cup holders!”
At best, I got him to concede to a car seat, only because that’s mandatory, and a stroller that has cup holders. I was annoyed, frustrated, and angry. His mood finally perked up when we strolled into the Toys R Us section of the combined Toys R Us/Babies R Us store, and he could play with the toys on display.
Since then, we’ve had a few more similar moments. When I finally decided to start a baby registry, I asked him for his input and got “I don’t care, do whatever you want.” Although his reaction at Babies R Us foreshadowed his indifference to a baby registry, I was still surprised and disappointed by his complete lack of interest. He usually loves to shop by looking up product specifications and reviews online. In fact, he already bought a camcorder for our baby. There’s tons of research that could be done in shopping for all other baby products. Why didn’t he care about any of those products?
I didn’t know how to deal with his indifference to a baby registry; I was counting on his input. Some women experience this indifference during the wedding planning process, but Yun was 100% involved in the entire wedding planning process, including the bridal registry. His reaction this time was new to me. In the end, I reluctantly started the registry on my own.
More in later posts
One of the most emotionally difficult issues I dealt with during pregnancy was my husband’s level of involvement and enthusiasm for our baby. Shouldn’t the father of the baby be the second most excited person after the mother? I expected, wanted, and hoped that Yun would be just as excited as I was. Sometimes he was, but sometimes he was not.
In general Yun’s reaction to my pregnancy is marked by indifference sprinkled with moments of joy. Fortunately for me, those sprinkles have been increasing as the months pass by.
Before becoming pregnant, my husband was less than enthusiastic about the idea of making a baby. Every time I eagerly asked him, “Do you think I’m pregnant?” he responded in the negative. Perhaps he wasn’t quite ready to be a father yet. Perhaps he didn’t want to fuel my premature excitement in case the pregnancy test turned out to be negative. Or perhaps it was a little bit of both. But when the test showed in two lines instead of one, he was all smiles and we shared a tight embrace. He says he no longer remembers that moment, but it’s a memory I cherish dearly.
During the next few months, we were both mostly indifferent about expecting a baby. Life continued just as it had before, except that I had a few dietary restrictions, like no alcohol. We went about our everyday lives. I was lucky in that I didn’t have any morning sickness, so my life didn’t really change much for me. At that time, I didn’t care that he didn’t care, because I didn’t care myself. I didn’t even bother with buying a baby book. In fact, I still don’t own one. I just borrow them from the library. Why should I care that he didn’t read the baby books when I hardly read them myself?
As the months passed, I became more excited and attached to the idea of becoming a mother, but his level of interest remained the same. Sure, he had his moments of enthusiasm. He started calling the baby a raspberry, because at the time, that was the approximate size of the baby. Then he called me baby carriage for awhile. I liked his terms of endearment. They were sweet and showed some small level of interest.
It was during the ultrasound at 11 weeks when I felt that Yun was truly excited about the baby. In that ultrasound, the baby started to actually look like a baby. When we got home, he used that same ultrasound scan to announce the pregnancy on Facebook. Clearly, he was excited. It was endearing to see how much he cared and almost a relief to finally have him on board to share in the joy. But sharing in such sweet moments, doesn't preclude the existence of some sour ones.
One day when I was around 3 or 4 months along, we passed by a Babies R Us. I said, “Oh, let’s go in there.”
“Why?” he shot back, clearly annoyed.
“Just to look around.”
Dragging him into that store was more painful than dragging a hyperactive three year old boy into the store, or so I imagine, at least a three year old boy has the excuse of being three years old. Yun whined and complained the entire time. He didn’t want to buy anything for the baby. He ranted about the ridiculous mass consumerism of this country, how wasteful Americans are, and how babies don’t need anything.
"Crib?"
“No. Too expensive. Couldn’t a baby just sleep in that cheaper thing?” as he points to a pack and play.
"Changing table?"
“Is that really necessary?”
"Baby carrier?"
“No. Can’t you just hold the baby with your arms?”
"Baby monitor?"
“No. I can just set up a webcam.”
"Glider?"
“Um… okay since that’s really for you, but these are all ugly.”
"Stroller?"
“… Ooh! Look this one has cup holders!”
At best, I got him to concede to a car seat, only because that’s mandatory, and a stroller that has cup holders. I was annoyed, frustrated, and angry. His mood finally perked up when we strolled into the Toys R Us section of the combined Toys R Us/Babies R Us store, and he could play with the toys on display.
Since then, we’ve had a few more similar moments. When I finally decided to start a baby registry, I asked him for his input and got “I don’t care, do whatever you want.” Although his reaction at Babies R Us foreshadowed his indifference to a baby registry, I was still surprised and disappointed by his complete lack of interest. He usually loves to shop by looking up product specifications and reviews online. In fact, he already bought a camcorder for our baby. There’s tons of research that could be done in shopping for all other baby products. Why didn’t he care about any of those products?
I didn’t know how to deal with his indifference to a baby registry; I was counting on his input. Some women experience this indifference during the wedding planning process, but Yun was 100% involved in the entire wedding planning process, including the bridal registry. His reaction this time was new to me. In the end, I reluctantly started the registry on my own.
More in later posts
Coming out with a pregnancy and being outed by my own body
21 and 22 weeks
I was 21 weeks when I first experienced someone asking me if I was pregnant. She was a complete stranger, which might make her seem terribly rude and intrusive, but we were all on a cruise ship. And if you’ve ever been on a cruise ship, then you know that most people on cruise ships are chattier and friendlier with strangers than they would otherwise be in their normal lives.
That was the first time. All of a sudden, repeat scenarios have come very quickly. Through 21 weeks and now 22 weeks, more and more people have commented on my pregnant belly. No one ever approached me about it before 21 weeks, but once the ball started rolling, it continues. I think the size of my belly must have crossed some threshold, beyond looking like fat to looking like a pregnant belly. A couple women at work discreetly asked me. A friend from high school asked me on Facebook after seeing me in the vacation pictures I posted. And a custodian also asked me.
At the start of 22 weeks, I decided to tell my supervisor about it. The decision on when to tell work about a pregnancy is a tricky issue. The way I figure it, you put off telling as much as possible. I decided that since my pregnancy was obvious by now, I should inform work for their internal planning purposes. To continue in not revealing the fact would just be inconsiderate and rude at this point.
Like all my feelings on pregnancy, I have mixed feelings about people approaching me. On the one hand, I wonder, “Am I really showing that much?” I must be, but part of me is in denial. The unsolicited attention always catches me off-guard. I’m continually surprised that others notice. On the other hand, I am elated. I am never offended by their question and am always excited to share my joy.
I was 21 weeks when I first experienced someone asking me if I was pregnant. She was a complete stranger, which might make her seem terribly rude and intrusive, but we were all on a cruise ship. And if you’ve ever been on a cruise ship, then you know that most people on cruise ships are chattier and friendlier with strangers than they would otherwise be in their normal lives.
That was the first time. All of a sudden, repeat scenarios have come very quickly. Through 21 weeks and now 22 weeks, more and more people have commented on my pregnant belly. No one ever approached me about it before 21 weeks, but once the ball started rolling, it continues. I think the size of my belly must have crossed some threshold, beyond looking like fat to looking like a pregnant belly. A couple women at work discreetly asked me. A friend from high school asked me on Facebook after seeing me in the vacation pictures I posted. And a custodian also asked me.
At the start of 22 weeks, I decided to tell my supervisor about it. The decision on when to tell work about a pregnancy is a tricky issue. The way I figure it, you put off telling as much as possible. I decided that since my pregnancy was obvious by now, I should inform work for their internal planning purposes. To continue in not revealing the fact would just be inconsiderate and rude at this point.
Like all my feelings on pregnancy, I have mixed feelings about people approaching me. On the one hand, I wonder, “Am I really showing that much?” I must be, but part of me is in denial. The unsolicited attention always catches me off-guard. I’m continually surprised that others notice. On the other hand, I am elated. I am never offended by their question and am always excited to share my joy.
Half-Way
20 weeks
I'm half-way there! Woo-hoo! Unfortunately, it's only the easy half, especially since I didn't have any morning sickness during my first trimester.
I'm half-way there! Woo-hoo! Unfortunately, it's only the easy half, especially since I didn't have any morning sickness during my first trimester.
Ultrasound
19 Weeks, 4 days
Here I am in the exam room where we got our ultrasound. I feel like my pregnant belly does show, but not that much.
During this ultrasound, all I was interested in was learning whether our baby was a boy or girl. However, that wasn't the technician's main goal. She spent some 40 minutes of so, looking at various parts of the baby, taking measurements, and taking snapshots. She spent quite a bit of time looking at the head and heart. The experience was nothing like what you see in the movies or TV, in which it takes 5 minutes, you see some beautiful profile shot, and the doctor just tells the expecting mother whether it's a boy or girl.
I was surprised that at this point in my pregnancy you couldn't see the entire baby in a single picture. We would see the head and part of the torso, but not the legs or feet.
If you wanted to see the feet, it had to be in a separate picture.
The baby moved around a lot. This was good because it gave the technician many different angles by which she could measure the baby. She said I had a big baby. I forget the exact number that she said, but I think she said something like 10 oz. at this point in time. So, I have a big baby, but my belly isn't that big.
Some parts of the baby were scary looking. Like the spine:
That made me think of a dinosaur. A bit creepy looking if you ask me.
And of course, the technician did point out that our baby is a boy.
We had no clue what we were looking at in the ultrasound. The technician tried to give us different angles and point out the appropriate parts. Mostly, I just sort of nodded like I knew what she was talking about. But really, I had no clue. I just took her word for it that our baby is a boy.
In the end, she told us our baby looked normal and healthy. Yay!
Here I am in the exam room where we got our ultrasound. I feel like my pregnant belly does show, but not that much.
During this ultrasound, all I was interested in was learning whether our baby was a boy or girl. However, that wasn't the technician's main goal. She spent some 40 minutes of so, looking at various parts of the baby, taking measurements, and taking snapshots. She spent quite a bit of time looking at the head and heart. The experience was nothing like what you see in the movies or TV, in which it takes 5 minutes, you see some beautiful profile shot, and the doctor just tells the expecting mother whether it's a boy or girl.
I was surprised that at this point in my pregnancy you couldn't see the entire baby in a single picture. We would see the head and part of the torso, but not the legs or feet.
If you wanted to see the feet, it had to be in a separate picture.
Some parts of the baby were scary looking. Like the spine:
And of course, the technician did point out that our baby is a boy.
In the end, she told us our baby looked normal and healthy. Yay!
Anticipation
Of all words, the one word I would choose to describe pregnancy is anticipation. I'm constantly anticipating something.
Anticipating ...
... a growing belly
... physical changes
... mental changes
... buying stuff
... doctor appointments
... reassurances
... quickening
... courses
... and ultimately, the baby's birth
Currently, I'm anticipating my ultrasound, which is scheduled for tomorrow. If our baby isn't too shy, then we'll find out if the baby is a boy or girl.
Anticipating ...
... a growing belly
... physical changes
... mental changes
... buying stuff
... doctor appointments
... reassurances
... quickening
... courses
... and ultimately, the baby's birth
Currently, I'm anticipating my ultrasound, which is scheduled for tomorrow. If our baby isn't too shy, then we'll find out if the baby is a boy or girl.
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